No seriously, I love it!

Okay, so I came to a realization today. I know too much about the 80's and I find way too much joy in cheesy songs from my youth. As I was watching an episode of Who's the Boss today at lunch I was able to identify the father from Teen Wolf in a guest appearance, reminisce about the episode when Sam gets her first bra and knew remembered that Sam's best friend was named Marci. Out of nowhere this information appears and spews out my mouth. But you know what? I love it, I absolutely love the 80's!!!

You've got a Friend

Friends. I decided today that I have some really amazing people in my life. I was thinking about McCain and how he threw around the term “my friends” without really understanding the meaning behind those words.

I know what it feels like to be an army of one, someone who shoulders every storm all alone. I know this because I was that person. I endured through rough times without others to lean on because I had to. The feeling of coming home to an empty house and knowing that your phone won’t be ringing is something that I know very well, and it's something that I am determined never to feel again. I shut people and friends out of my life because a romantic relationship meant more to me at the time than anything else. I was wrong, because when that went sour I was there alone to pick up the pieces. This won’t be a mistake I make again. I have others in my life now because I have made them a priority. It is important to me, friendship.

I am not a teenager anymore and I don’t need a huge circle of friends, I don’t need to be popular and go out every night. The small group of friends that I have means the world to me and is more than enough. I have formed deep attachments to these people and will always be grateful for them and the time I spend with them. I would drop anything and bend over backwards to help these friends of mine if they are in need.

I won't waste my time hanging around people who don't value the time spent with me. Friendship is a two way street and I am lucky enough to have some great ones and those that aren't meant to be will fade away...

YES WE CAN!!!

We have done it! I always said; “I believe in the good. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I believe in the good. I have to.” I am happy to be a believer in this mantra...and tonight I know that I am right. Good always triumphs over bad and the power of kindness can move people to tears.

I heard someone lash out in anger tonight over Obama’s victory. “He’s not the Messiah or the second fucking coming!” Well, that’s true. He’s not the Messiah and he’s not holier than thou or someone to be put upon a pedestal...but he is a role model. Someone who people can rally around, someone who can speak to this country and address our concerns. He is someone who can inspire others to reach for greatness, to doubt those who say we can’t change the world. For he knows that “yes we can”.

And in all honesty, isn’t the Savior, the Messiah, the Prophet, etc supposed to be someone who inspires greatness in others? Someone who teaches kindness, compassion and understanding. Someone who says “yes we can” to any dream? So, no he isn’t THE Savior, THE Messiah or THE Prophet but maybe if we are lucky he can be someone’s personal Savior or Messiah and be the person that inspires them to “pay it forward”.

CHANGE IS HERE:

I need to be a little more uncool...

It was an introspective weekend. I spent a lot of time reconnecting with myself. I released a lot of emotions in the past 2 days, more than I have expressed in months, maybe even years. It’s like it was building up and I kept pushing it down, further and further until it couldn’t be pushed down any further. The littlest things upset me and I couldn’t control my emotions. It scared the crap out of me. I finally had to deal with everything I had been ignoring. I guess I always thought that by not stressing over the little things, not being upset by anything, going with the flow and not rocking the boat I would be happy. Well,...FAIL!

Turns out I need to just let it out. No matter what, big or small...just let it out. Otherwise I will end up with another weekend like this one. I talked to one of my favorite people and he told me to just be me. “The best times with you are the times when you are being grossly uncool. When you stumble to get words out, or when you speak incoherently just because your words are slower than your thoughts.” It made sense, listening to him speak this way about me and then he said all he needed to say; “When you walk into walls, trip over nothing and sing about pizza or when you make rude, insensitive sarcastic jokes about idiots that is when you are really being you. And it works.”

The Diary of Annie

I watched Bridget Jones this weekend and it inspired me to keep my blog more up to date. If nothing else it will help to have something to go back to and reread in the future and see what I’ve learned and what I’ve overcome. I think I am going to try and just write at least one thing I learned, thought of, experienced or dreamed of each day. Or at least that is the plan. I could start each entry with an update on cigarettes smoked, drinks consumed and weight gained/lost like Bridget Jones, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see that tally, haha!