Okay, so I came to a realization today. I know too much about the 80's and I find way too much joy in cheesy songs from my youth. As I was watching an episode of Who's the Boss today at lunch I was able to identify the father from Teen Wolf in a guest appearance, reminisce about the episode when Sam gets her first bra and knew remembered that Sam's best friend was named Marci. Out of nowhere this information appears and spews out my mouth. But you know what? I love it, I absolutely love the 80's!!!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
You've got a Friend
Friends. I decided today that I have some really amazing people in my life. I was thinking about McCain and how he threw around the term “my friends” without really understanding the meaning behind those words.
I know what it feels like to be an army of one, someone who shoulders every storm all alone. I know this because I was that person. I endured through rough times without others to lean on because I had to. The feeling of coming home to an empty house and knowing that your phone won’t be ringing is something that I know very well, and it's something that I am determined never to feel again. I shut people and friends out of my life because a romantic relationship meant more to me at the time than anything else. I was wrong, because when that went sour I was there alone to pick up the pieces. This won’t be a mistake I make again. I have others in my life now because I have made them a priority. It is important to me, friendship.
I am not a teenager anymore and I don’t need a huge circle of friends, I don’t need to be popular and go out every night. The small group of friends that I have means the world to me and is more than enough. I have formed deep attachments to these people and will always be grateful for them and the time I spend with them. I would drop anything and bend over backwards to help these friends of mine if they are in need.
I won't waste my time hanging around people who don't value the time spent with me. Friendship is a two way street and I am lucky enough to have some great ones and those that aren't meant to be will fade away...
I know what it feels like to be an army of one, someone who shoulders every storm all alone. I know this because I was that person. I endured through rough times without others to lean on because I had to. The feeling of coming home to an empty house and knowing that your phone won’t be ringing is something that I know very well, and it's something that I am determined never to feel again. I shut people and friends out of my life because a romantic relationship meant more to me at the time than anything else. I was wrong, because when that went sour I was there alone to pick up the pieces. This won’t be a mistake I make again. I have others in my life now because I have made them a priority. It is important to me, friendship.
I am not a teenager anymore and I don’t need a huge circle of friends, I don’t need to be popular and go out every night. The small group of friends that I have means the world to me and is more than enough. I have formed deep attachments to these people and will always be grateful for them and the time I spend with them. I would drop anything and bend over backwards to help these friends of mine if they are in need.
I won't waste my time hanging around people who don't value the time spent with me. Friendship is a two way street and I am lucky enough to have some great ones and those that aren't meant to be will fade away...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
YES WE CAN!!!
We have done it! I always said; “I believe in the good. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I believe in the good. I have to.” I am happy to be a believer in this mantra...and tonight I know that I am right. Good always triumphs over bad and the power of kindness can move people to tears.
I heard someone lash out in anger tonight over Obama’s victory. “He’s not the Messiah or the second fucking coming!” Well, that’s true. He’s not the Messiah and he’s not holier than thou or someone to be put upon a pedestal...but he is a role model. Someone who people can rally around, someone who can speak to this country and address our concerns. He is someone who can inspire others to reach for greatness, to doubt those who say we can’t change the world. For he knows that “yes we can”.
And in all honesty, isn’t the Savior, the Messiah, the Prophet, etc supposed to be someone who inspires greatness in others? Someone who teaches kindness, compassion and understanding. Someone who says “yes we can” to any dream? So, no he isn’t THE Savior, THE Messiah or THE Prophet but maybe if we are lucky he can be someone’s personal Savior or Messiah and be the person that inspires them to “pay it forward”.
CHANGE IS HERE:
I heard someone lash out in anger tonight over Obama’s victory. “He’s not the Messiah or the second fucking coming!” Well, that’s true. He’s not the Messiah and he’s not holier than thou or someone to be put upon a pedestal...but he is a role model. Someone who people can rally around, someone who can speak to this country and address our concerns. He is someone who can inspire others to reach for greatness, to doubt those who say we can’t change the world. For he knows that “yes we can”.
And in all honesty, isn’t the Savior, the Messiah, the Prophet, etc supposed to be someone who inspires greatness in others? Someone who teaches kindness, compassion and understanding. Someone who says “yes we can” to any dream? So, no he isn’t THE Savior, THE Messiah or THE Prophet but maybe if we are lucky he can be someone’s personal Savior or Messiah and be the person that inspires them to “pay it forward”.
CHANGE IS HERE:
Monday, November 3, 2008
I need to be a little more uncool...
It was an introspective weekend. I spent a lot of time reconnecting with myself. I released a lot of emotions in the past 2 days, more than I have expressed in months, maybe even years. It’s like it was building up and I kept pushing it down, further and further until it couldn’t be pushed down any further. The littlest things upset me and I couldn’t control my emotions. It scared the crap out of me. I finally had to deal with everything I had been ignoring. I guess I always thought that by not stressing over the little things, not being upset by anything, going with the flow and not rocking the boat I would be happy. Well,...FAIL!
Turns out I need to just let it out. No matter what, big or small...just let it out. Otherwise I will end up with another weekend like this one. I talked to one of my favorite people and he told me to just be me. “The best times with you are the times when you are being grossly uncool. When you stumble to get words out, or when you speak incoherently just because your words are slower than your thoughts.” It made sense, listening to him speak this way about me and then he said all he needed to say; “When you walk into walls, trip over nothing and sing about pizza or when you make rude, insensitive sarcastic jokes about idiots that is when you are really being you. And it works.”
Turns out I need to just let it out. No matter what, big or small...just let it out. Otherwise I will end up with another weekend like this one. I talked to one of my favorite people and he told me to just be me. “The best times with you are the times when you are being grossly uncool. When you stumble to get words out, or when you speak incoherently just because your words are slower than your thoughts.” It made sense, listening to him speak this way about me and then he said all he needed to say; “When you walk into walls, trip over nothing and sing about pizza or when you make rude, insensitive sarcastic jokes about idiots that is when you are really being you. And it works.”
Sunday, November 2, 2008
The Diary of Annie
I watched Bridget Jones this weekend and it inspired me to keep my blog more up to date. If nothing else it will help to have something to go back to and reread in the future and see what I’ve learned and what I’ve overcome. I think I am going to try and just write at least one thing I learned, thought of, experienced or dreamed of each day. Or at least that is the plan. I could start each entry with an update on cigarettes smoked, drinks consumed and weight gained/lost like Bridget Jones, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see that tally, haha!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The Autumn of Annie
Uuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!
I am just going to do it! I am tired of being so cautious. I feel like I have spent my entire life playing it safe. Always making the safe decision and choosing the responsible route. It's not as though that has created a bad life for me, but it hasn't exactly turned out as I had hoped.
Although I have made tremendous strides lately, it just doesn't seem like I am stepping outside of my comfort zone enough to make an impact. I feel like I am still waiting for life to go my way, instead of making it go my way.
I suppose I have literally just had enough of it. I have no choice but to try something else, since this is not working. Thus, I have decided to begin the "Autumn of Annie". I will embark on doing the opposite of nearly everything that comes naturally to me. Since I am a creature of habit, and my usual actions have not produced the desired results, the opposite maybe the secret weapon I have been looking for! Maybe doing things differently than I always have will change me for the better.
I am just going to do it! I am tired of being so cautious. I feel like I have spent my entire life playing it safe. Always making the safe decision and choosing the responsible route. It's not as though that has created a bad life for me, but it hasn't exactly turned out as I had hoped.
Although I have made tremendous strides lately, it just doesn't seem like I am stepping outside of my comfort zone enough to make an impact. I feel like I am still waiting for life to go my way, instead of making it go my way.
I suppose I have literally just had enough of it. I have no choice but to try something else, since this is not working. Thus, I have decided to begin the "Autumn of Annie". I will embark on doing the opposite of nearly everything that comes naturally to me. Since I am a creature of habit, and my usual actions have not produced the desired results, the opposite maybe the secret weapon I have been looking for! Maybe doing things differently than I always have will change me for the better.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
ShutUp Braniac!
The World will tell you who you are. Until you tell the world who you are....
I wish I could turn my filter off sometimes. I spend time with people who seem to have that ability, or maybe they simply lack a filter altogether. I don’t know for certain, but I know that they seem to have an easier time with things. It’s like they have a switch and they can turn their filter off when they want to. I truly wish that I could do that.
It’s the little voice that everyone has in their head, the one that tips you off to bad ideas and warns you when you are about to sound like an idiot. The problem is that my little voice isn’t so little, in fact, most of the time it is so loud that I can’t possibly ignore it. It’s there, constantly over analyzing every situation I find myself in. Scrutinizing each and every detail like one of the fancy gadgets they use on CSI.
Sometimes I just want to jump into things, fully participate in the activity I am engaging in. But, my filter kicks in and starts to present possible scenarios for disaster. Which of course hinders my ability to really just cut loose and throw caution to the wind. I guess maybe it’s a control issue. I fear losing control. I feel, for some reason unknown to me at this point, like I need to appear to have everything together, to be calm cool and collected at all times. It’s as though I feel like I will be disappointing someone if I don’t have it all together. But, what I can’t figure out is who I think I would be disappointing and why I care so much.
Basically, I simply want my brain to shut up and let me rest. Stop showing me ways that I might do something wrong, and stop alerting me to every awkward situation. Just let me experience every single second that life has to offer without the constant background noise of doubt. Just let me jump in and show the world who I am.
I wish I could turn my filter off sometimes. I spend time with people who seem to have that ability, or maybe they simply lack a filter altogether. I don’t know for certain, but I know that they seem to have an easier time with things. It’s like they have a switch and they can turn their filter off when they want to. I truly wish that I could do that.
It’s the little voice that everyone has in their head, the one that tips you off to bad ideas and warns you when you are about to sound like an idiot. The problem is that my little voice isn’t so little, in fact, most of the time it is so loud that I can’t possibly ignore it. It’s there, constantly over analyzing every situation I find myself in. Scrutinizing each and every detail like one of the fancy gadgets they use on CSI.
Sometimes I just want to jump into things, fully participate in the activity I am engaging in. But, my filter kicks in and starts to present possible scenarios for disaster. Which of course hinders my ability to really just cut loose and throw caution to the wind. I guess maybe it’s a control issue. I fear losing control. I feel, for some reason unknown to me at this point, like I need to appear to have everything together, to be calm cool and collected at all times. It’s as though I feel like I will be disappointing someone if I don’t have it all together. But, what I can’t figure out is who I think I would be disappointing and why I care so much.
Basically, I simply want my brain to shut up and let me rest. Stop showing me ways that I might do something wrong, and stop alerting me to every awkward situation. Just let me experience every single second that life has to offer without the constant background noise of doubt. Just let me jump in and show the world who I am.
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